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If you plan to boat and spend time north of Willow River State Park on the St. Croix River in the near future, I feel obligated to report that there have been strange sightings from numerous folks - including yours truly last Sunday - of naked people. That's right, you heard me. Naked people.

For the past two days when re-telling this story, I received confirmation of occasional nudists on the upper St. Croix from so many sources that I felt it necessary to call Wild River State Park directly and confer with a ranger. Yes, the ranger I spoke to on the telephone burst out laughing and indeed confirmed that nude campers and canoeists have been drawn to the upper St. Croix for many years. She also added that Conservation Officer Brad Schultz has been dispatched on a number of occasions to investigate these sightings.

When you think of frolicking naked people skipping over Mother Nature's forest floor, you just assume that they are a peace-loving, timid sort - you know, live and let live - that sort of thing. You half expect them to peek out at you like wood nymphs from behind trees, giggle "Tee-hee" and run away. Well, let me assure you that this was definitely not the case with Mr. and Mrs. Crabby Applepants that called the island at the mouth of Wolf Creek home last weekend.

Good friends of mine had a run-in with them a few weeks ago, and when my family and I joined those same friends for an afternoon of pontooning, swimming and kayaking fun last Sunday, well, there they were again, in all their clothing-optional splendor and glory.

The downstream side of many good-sized islands in a river will often result in a fairly long sand bar, a perfect spot to run your watercraft's bow aground and take advantage of the beach-like conditions. Some of these bars, like the one we proudly colonized, can run a few hundred feet downstream. Everything seemed perfect last Sunday when we did just that. Kevin and I had just pulled the front end of his pontoon onto the sandbar when all of a sudden, with no time to run the Cliffs Notes version of "The Birds and the Bees" by the wide-eyed kiddies, a naked woman with long, flowing dark hair burst through the island's undergrowth and snarled, "We're camping here!" She even went as far as to scream "[Expletive] kids!" from deep within the island's woods following her huffy retreat. Is it really possible to be naked and crabby at the same time?

Kevin, in the presence of his wife and son, along with my wife and boys, was good enough to temper his response by replying, "That's fine. You go right ahead and camp. We're fine here. Carry on."

Now, if you're old enough to have seen the classic movie, "The Blue Lagoon," starring Brooke Shields, I'm here to tell you that what we saw looked nothing like any scene in that movie. In an effort to mentally weather the offending visual shock last Sunday, I snapped my eyes shut and concentrated on the lithe Brooke, clutching tightly to that waning adolescent memory. In 1980, I was 16-years-old and that movie made me very happy and that's all I'm going to say about that. If any of you female readers could've stood there with me last Sunday and got an eyeful of Mr. Applepants, I suppose Brooke's co-star, Christopher Atkins, would've come to mind. Another miss wide of the mark. Sorry to disappoint you.

I insist that there was plenty of distance between our parties and more than enough trees and bushes on that island to peacefully accommodate two naked campers and two families well downstream of them. I'm telling you, we could've peacefully co-existed there on that island and sandbar just fine without ever having seen or heard from one another. Really.

As you can imagine, I had a very good time writing this article. Everything I wrote is true, by the way. As a matter of fact, I had to omit a few details that probably would not have made it past the edit desk at the paper. Believe me, you're better off not knowing.

Fishing is pretty tough this time of year. Thank God there are grumpy naked people in this world. I honestly couldn't think of a thing to write about for this week's article until my wife suggested Monday evening, "Why don't you write about the naked people on the river yesterday, Dear. That would make a nice story." Oh yes, I'll take my inspiration any way I can get it.

Dan Brown's weekly outdoor column is brought to you by Frankie's Bait and Marine, in Chisago City, and St. Croix Outdoors, in St. Croix Falls, Wis

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